Fck
by giddymorose
Summary: Sirius and Remus realise they can't ignore it any longer. Slash, Hogwarts era.


Author's note: I wasn't sure if I was allowed a swear word for a title so I blocked a letter out to be on the safe side. If you don't like Sirius & Remus as a pairing please don't read this. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy!

Remus and Sirius, in that small, almost subconscious part of the brain that fights to make its presence known at the most inopportune moments, knew what this was. Neither Remus or Sirius really wanted this. Both boys, needing love and acceptance as naturally as their need for air, hadn't wanted to find such beauty in each other.

Remus just wanted to get through Hogwarts with as little damage done as possible. He had succeeded pretty well so far, all things considering. Being a Marauder didn't exactly allow you to blend into the background but that was okay. Remus had learned that perhaps a quiet, uneventful life wasn't what he really needed, so he had given in to the pranking, pacts and pandemonium that was all to be expected from the boys. He had found the best group of friend he could hope for; friends who even did something time-consuming, difficult, dangerous and not to mention _illegal_ for him. Just as he was settling into a comfortable existence at school, his mind had given him this niggling need, which he fully intended to ignore.

Sirius wanted to go down in Hogwarts history and it seemed he was doing that nicely, thank you very much. Being a Marauder gave him the opportunity to use his natural genius and flair for magic, by hexing people (Snape) into oblivion and creating a legacy for himself in the Map. A legacy for themselves. Sirius couldn't imagine a better group of friends with which to wreak havoc. James was a brother in everything but blood, Peter was easygoing and willing to throw himself into anything Maraudering required of him, and Remus-. Well. Remus had always had layers of complexity, but for once Sirius really didn't want to observe them.

Their seventeen-year-old boy natures both wanted this, lusted for it and refused it at the same time. They were friends. They were _boys_ for Merlin's sake. They weren't ready for this - this Thing that threatened to be a much bigger force than they cared to acknowledge. When they discovered this rising, unnamed need shoot through the distance between them, they pushed harder against their borders. Sirius threw himself into Quidditch, flirting with girls and studying; _anything _to ignore the knowing glances from Moony.

Remus found it harder to distract himself. He didn't like playing Quidditch, it wasn't in his nature to flirt and he found little comfort in studying.

Their borders threatened to snap them back like elastic.

Sirius would be damned if he would let some "Thing" control him. He had to do something about it. This was _Moony. _He didn't know what he wanted but he was tired of them dancing around each other, tired of avoiding his friend. Avoiding this.

'Moony'

Remus looked up from his bed, where a great number of books were splayed around his ankles.

'Fuck,' Remus replied roughly. Sirius knew. They both knew.

Remus launched himself upward, damned it he'd let Sirius initiate this. Sweeping his eyes over Sirius for any signs that this wasn't what was happening, he sighed and pulled Sirius roughly into his arms and kissed him mercilessly. Sirius' grey eyes instinctively widened before they fluttered shut, mirroring Remus'. Sirius both stiffened and melted into the kiss, joining just as inexpertly, as desperately, realising it was pointless to deny it now.

After pulling back, Sirius noted with a pang in his chest Remus' flushed cheeks. This was Remus, deceptively studious and shy, but Sirius knew better. Remus would laugh about a joke for hours afterwards, grinning like the teenage boy he often forgot he was. Remus who could easily cut you with his sarcasm, or charm you with his wit. Remus who Sirius has heard tossing and turning at night, who hid the sadness in his eyes as the full moon approached and who sometimes looked unsure of his own body. Remus who was so many things but was always himself.

Moony. The sweetest, most amazing guy he'd ever known. They wanted this. They needed this. He felt the elastic snap them together with alarming force.

'Fuck,' said Sirius, like a curse. Like a blessing.


End file.
